According to the American Psychological Association, parenting has never been as stressful or challenging as it is now due to the COVID pandemic. Parents are struggling to meet the needs of their children and the demands of work because they are simultaneously working from home and managing distance learning. And parents are not alone in their increased levels of stress, parents have reported noticing an increase in behavioral challenges at home with their children since the pandemic began. This increase has created concern for parents that their children are not getting what they need developmentally and that there might be long term consequences to their children’s social-emotional development.

What can we do for ourselves and our children to get through these difficult times?

ESTABLISH a Same Page Parenting Partnership

Significant differences in parenting create inconsistencies that send mixed signals to kids when they misbehave. Inadvertently, one parent will try to counter the style of the other and this inconsistency creates stress for everyone. For example, one parent’s style is kind, loving, and lenient, while the other is strict, firm and takes a “tough love” approach. Other times both parents may vacillate between both styles reacting to their children, but that typically results in parents feeling guilty, ineffective, and helpless. By spending time getting coordinated and on the same page by creating clear agreements and establishing what tools are in your discipline toolbox, you can avoid lots of stress in your parenting as well as a strain on your relationship with your partner.

USE A routine CHART

Integrating routine or responsibility charts into our children’s daily lives helps to avoid power struggles with our children. Using a routine chart creates more clarity and consistency so we don’t have to keep reminding and repeating ourselves. The most effective approach to ensure our children actually use the chart is to create Routine Charts together with them by allowing them to identify what needs to be on the chart, how it looks, and where it goes.

CREATE Rituals of Connection

Connection is often the key to helping children manage their challenges. In general, kids are thirsty for connection (It often comes in the form of wanting attention- whether positive or negative). Your children want to feel connected to you ALL of the time because when there is connection it creates feelings of safety and security. Creating rituals of connection can help to avoid big emotions or challenges because there is predictability and reliability. (Ex-Connecting with some special time in the morning before kids start school and you head to the room next door to get some work done. This can also take place at the end of the day, (a story on your lap before dinner gets started, a "good night, lights off" ritual, etc.) These rituals will provide consistent opportunities for connection, so your child does not constantly feel like they are searching for or missing the connection.

PRIORITIZE Self Care & Emotional Regulation

The way you behave and manage stress is going to influence how your child manages difficulties as well. Modeling self-care and emotional regulation are some of the most powerful ways to influence your child’s behaviors and actions. If you are unable to express your emotions, and instead fly off the handle you can bet that you will see this tendency from your child as well.

If self-care isn’t part of your daily or weekly routine you won’t only be able to respond to your child in a calm, patient, and rational manner, and you will be communicating to your child that caring for oneself is not valuable. If parents neglect their own needs, neither parents nor children will thrive. One way to address this is to take a look at your week’s calendar and ask yourself, “What are a few small things that I want to be doing for self-care that I am not doing or would benefit from doing more regularly? Then put it on your calendar like any other commitment you make for the week.