Why do we feel the need to protect our children from suffering or feeling the deep disparity of disappointment, failure, and pain?
Many parents strive to protect their children from the simple and plain realities of life: pain and suffering.
We don’t want them to hurt or miss out on opportunities. But the reality is they can’t always get what they want, and sometimes there are consequences for their choices and actions. We are just going to have to say no sometimes and allow consequences to teach, and our kids are not going to like it. They will feel mad, disappointed, sad, left out, resentful, angry, etc
And guess what?
THAT IS AMAZING!!!!
No, seriously.
What a gift that we can give them by getting out of the way and allowing them to experience a full range of negative emotions.
Our responsibility as parents is to let the anger, sadness, and disappointment happen. We need to sit with it, welcome it, and let it pass. When we do, the same will be true for our children. We simply cannot protect them from this part of life.
Their emotions and experiences, though they may feel negative, have so much wisdom. Instead of preventing, ignoring, or fighting them, we can stop and reflect and ask ourselves and our child questions about these emotions:
What needs to become known? - What needs to be faced?
What do I/you need to wake up to? - What needs wants to be learned?
What needs to be let go of, said goodbye to, or moved on from?
What person, dream, vision, belief, or opportunity needs to be released?
And when we do, when our kids do - we learn, grow, become resilient, and build grit! Life can be tough and it will feel like things are going sideways from time to time. But these early experiences with negative emotions will serve them well now and into the future.
The truth: more pain, loss, heartbreak, disappointment lies ahead for our children.
Why not let them experience that all now!? When they have us to hold them up, love them up, to help manage and process these moments in ways that will strengthen them and prepare them for their unknown future that lies ahead.
There are plenty of these painful little “gifts” presented to us and our children daily. Don’t try to protect them from these gifts, embrace them with the knowledge that this what your child truly needs from you! Your job is to help guide your kids, not protect them from or solve their problems. The last thing we want to do is interrupt what life is trying to teach them. By doing this you make learning possible for them.
This approach may seem totally nuts and it may be very uncomfortable for you, but sometimes you just have to sit back, keep your mouth shut, and let them screw up and act like a complete idiot.
So let them be the creator of their own experience, a fully empowered learner who has invited life to teach them whatever life wants to teach them. In order to do this you must reframe and view these moments as perfect for whatever they most need to learn versus something you need to rescue or protect them from.
Want some ideas on how to support your child when experiencing these tough moments and big emotions? Check out Are You An Emotion Coaching Parent and get my FREE Emotion Coaching Basics download.
