Why is it so darn hard to feel like you are a great parent and that your responses to your children are not only respectful but also effective? After working with children and their families for nearly 20 years I can honestly say it boils down to three steps to get there.
BECOMING THE PARENT YOU WANT TO BE IS REALLY A THREE STEP PROCESS:
1) Greater understanding
2) Learning or honing skills
3) Choosing to practice skills until they become natural
Parenting is a job that should require some training, but there really isn’t a formal education you can receive to prepare you for the task! It is helpful to note that becoming the parent you want to be is a process and it can only happen with on-the-job training. So, the first part of the process is GREATER UNDERSTANDING. Simply put, this means understanding what the heck is going on with your child during each stage of development, why it is happening, and what you can do to support your child during this time.
Remember that line “knowledge is power?" This is true in parenting too. If you understand why your child is doing all the crazy things they are doing you can better empathize, connect, and support them. Even when they are screaming bloody murder in your face you have a greater ability to remain calm and present, because you understand that it is not about you!
The second part of the process is LEARNING NEW PARENTING SKILLS or honing the ones you already have. Many of the parents that I work with are amazing employees and managers. They have the skills to navigate tough people and situations in the workplace. Many times what is required is just stepping back to see how these same skills can be useful in working with their children. For other parents learning parenting skills is a whole new world.
A lot of parents tend to recreate the dynamic that they grew up in, even though their intention is to be completely different than the parents who raised them. By learning four or five responses that are both respectful and effective it can help parents create the family relationships they desire while handling their child’s behaviors and emotions.
The last part of the process is the hardest! Yes, it actually requires that you apply your understanding while PRACTICING THE SKILLS you have in your parenting toolbox. And it does not require a little practice, it requires A LOT! Making the choice to practice and use your skills takes effort and time. But the investment you make will pay off in spades. This is your family, you owe it not only to them to make the investment but you also owe it to yourself. You deserve a great life and a wonderful family. So invest in the process, and I guarantee you will reap the rewards.
Want some help with any or all of these steps?
I am here to support you! As a family coach, I bring my extensive training and experience to help uncover new insights, ideas, and practical solutions to parenting and relationship challenges. Through one-on-one support (in person or video call), you’ll be provided with take-home strategies to bring about the positive changes you desire in your family. I offer practical advice for the times you might ask yourself, “What the heck do I do now?”
I work with parents like you to create a personal and goal-oriented experience, focused on your particular questions and concerns.
