So, what are all of the rules in your house?
If you sat down right now what would that list look like? I imagine it might fill an entire page and look like a very long list of do’s and dont’s. This list probably doesn’t give you or your child much energy. And I bet if you were asked to repeat back everything you had put on the list you probably couldn’t remember half of what was written on it. Your kids probably couldn’t predict half of them either. If either were the case, how do you expect your child to follow rules and conduct themselves in a productive, respectful manner if they cannot easily remember them all?
It doesn’t have to be this way!! By making time with your kids to create a short list of 3-5 family rules, principles or values together you can foster a much more cooperative relationship and harmonious environment at home. Having a SIMPLE set of family rules will not only create clear expectations for the kids but will also allow you to be more consistent and help you to pick and choose your battles.
It can be helpful to start by establishing a few ironclad rules and stick to them. Start by letting your kids brainstorm and come up with a laundry list of ideas (no bad ideas). If they are missing some important ones coach them to add them to the list. Then together narrow down your rules under themes or “buckets”. Decide on three to five non-negotiable rules that reflect your personal values and practical goals. (Safety, Respect, and Responsibility are common themes when formulating family rules). Rules such as “having fun” or “ being silly” can be equally important.
By including kids in the discussion and formation of the rules you will have more success in enforcing them. Have your kids write, decorate and post them. Then, don't wrangle over the details or negotiate. Simply say, "Sorry that is against our family rules." and drop it. Once you set a limit, avoid giving in. If you give in, your kids will be encouraged to test how serious you are about limits.
Also, be sure to catch yourself breaking the rules, point it out and acknowledge and then repair/apologize or try again. This creates a more level playing field, which will encourage kids to be more open to adhering to the rules and less defensive when they are caught breaking them.
